To read social media, lots of people seem to be excited about the first day of fall. Colorful leaves, cooler weather, pumpkin spice everything... But I don’t always look forward to fall.
Though it doesn’t happen every year, I sometimes encounter seasonal affective disorder as we lose daylight. I think that started for me the autumn after I was in a car accident in 1993. It happened again the fall and winter after we lost my wife’s dad in 2000.
I’m expecting it again this fall. This time last year, we were in the middle of my mom’s second battle with cancer, and though we did our best to remain strong and hopeful, it was becoming clear we were going to lose her. (We did, November 6, 2019.)
I tried hard last year to let myself grieve when I needed to, and to not push it off as I’ve done in years past, an effort to be strong for everyone else and not look after me. I have to remind myself of that again.
I call it the “year of firsts.” We’ve been through the first Christmas without her, what would have been her 80th birthday and my parents’ 51st wedding anniversary, and so on. And now there are reminders of many tough days this time last year.
I will again make an effort to take care of myself during this time and to look for and work for the hopeful things. Despite all the stuff life has hurled our way the last couple years, there’s a lot of good stuff and good people out there, too.
And so it goes...